


She Is Lonely (most of the time)

by scooter3scooter



Series: Song In Your Heart [7]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Based on a Waitress Song, Catadora, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra Has Issues (She-Ra), Emotional Hurt, F/F, Gen, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Jealous Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Let Catra (She-Ra) Say Fuck, POV Catra (She-Ra), Poor Catra (She-Ra), Pre-Relationship, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, She Used To Be Mine, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Song: She Used To Be Mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27623648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scooter3scooter/pseuds/scooter3scooter
Summary: It's not simple to sayThat most days I don't recognize meEven though it’s the same messy brown hair and piercing blue and yellow eyes, when I see me in the mirror it’s not the same me I used to see. Same marks on my skin, same fangs, and yet I could never look so different. If I tried to explain, as if there was anyone to explain too, they’d just think I’m insane. I mean, Scorpia is always way too willing to listen, but that’s not the point. The point is I’m not the same person I once was.—She Used To Be Mine songfic
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catadora - Relationship, Catra & Entrapta & Scorpia (She-Ra), Catra & Hordak (She-Ra), Catra & Scorpia (She-Ra), Catra & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)
Series: Song In Your Heart [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015095
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	She Is Lonely (most of the time)

_It's not simple to say_

_That most days I don't recognize me_

Even though it’s the same messy brown hair and piercing blue and yellow eyes, when I see me in the mirror it’s not the same me I used to see. Same marks on my skin, same fangs, and yet I could never look so different. If I tried to explain, as if there was anyone to explain too, they’d just think I’m insane. I mean, Scorpia is always way too willing to listen, but that’s not the point. The point is I’m not the same person I once was. 

_That these shoes and this apron_

_That place and its patrons_

_Have taken more than I gave them_

As much as I love to pretend I’m the Queen here, that I’m the one in charge, soon they’ll all see the fraud I am. I love to pretend I’m the one in power, but I’m always the one doing whatever I can to stay important, stay needed. And yet no matter how hard I worked to be seen by Shadow Weaver or how essential I tried to make myself to Hordak… no matter what it’s never enough. As much as I try to seem like the one calling the shops I just end up giving everything in me with nothing in return. 

_It's not easy to know_

_I'm not anything like I used be,_

God, I used to be able to smile… and laugh. I used to joke around and play pranks, mostly on Kyle. I used to sleep over with… _her_. I used to be happy. 

_although it's true_

_I was never attention's sweet center_

Even when I fought harder, learned more, tried more, it was never enough. Adora this and Adora that, be more like Adora, why can’t you just be like Adora? All Shadow Weaver saw was Adora. And when Adora abandoned me- I mean us, I thought I finally had my chance to be seen. I was naive. 

With Adora gone, then it become all Entrapta. All Hordak could see was her. I can’t work without Entrapta, I need Entrapta, I can’t live without Entrapta, go ask Entrapta. No matter what, I’ll never be chosen. I’ll never be seen. No one will ever pay me any mind. 

_I still remember that girl_

_She's imperfect, but she tries_

As much as Lonnie says I’m lazy, a slacker, as much as anyone says I don’t care, I tried. I tried and tried again. I worked with Adora better than anyone, I lead missions. Hell, I ran this place with Hordak too lost in his work. I took over the world and yet it was never enough. 

_She is good, but she lies_

No one in their right mind would say I’m good. Not even… no, especially not Adora. When they see me, I’m just war and pain and lies. 

_She is hard on herself_

As hard as I am on everyone else, nothing could compare to how I talk to myself. As much as I scream at everyone around me, nothing is louder than my mind. It reaches decibels no screams can reach. It’s not like I don’t deserve it though. 

_She is broken and won't ask for help_

I can’t ask for help. The second I show any weakness I lose all the power I’ve worked hard as hell for. I’ve clawed my way up and up I will not be dragged back down just because I can’t stand crying alone anymore. I will not lose everything I’ve taken for myself just because I want what I used to have. 

_She is messy, but she's kind_

I could have been, at least. If anyone gave me a chance, if anyone saw me as more than the scrappy little piece of shit Adora protected then maybe I could have been good. Maybe I could be able to talk without screaming, be able to converse without losing myself in anger. Maybe I could have learned patience and compassion, maybe I could have been kind.

_She is lonely most of the time_

All. All the time. Even when Scorpia is here, it’s never enough. Even when I’m in a room full of my workers, I could never be so alone. A room by myself is lonely, with Scorpia is lonely, with anyone is lonely. Ever since Adora stole what was left of my small heart, all that was left was a gaping hole. A void that could never be filled. That even when others may try to show me kindness, all I could ever feel is a ticking clock. Just a count down down down until they betray me. Until I’m alone again. And when you’re just waiting to be left, you’re always going to stay lonely. 

_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_

_She is gone, but she used to be mine_

I never was beautiful, and I still am not. But I could have been. I could have been so much better, I used to have a chance, and Adora stole it all. Shadow Weaver tried to murder any possibilities I had, Hordak just did not care enough, and Entrapta just became the new Adora. 

_It's not what I asked for_

No one ever cares what I ask for. Scorpia doesn’t want me, not really, she wants what I could never give. She wants care and love, she wants a friend or maybe something more. She wants what I don’t have. 

_Sometimes life just slips in through a back door_

_And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true_

No matter what, life will never give me a break. No matter what, I’ll never be anything more than this broken mess. Just a shattered soul. Life just loves to fuck with me and there’s nothing I can ever do about it. 

_And now I've got you_

_And you're not what I asked for_

As much as Scorpia desperately tries to fill the hole in me, she never can. Only one person can and everyone knows that will never happen. She tries, I know she does, and it’s not her fault she can’t make me whole again. It’s not her fault. That doesn’t mean it’s not infuriating how desperately she tries to fit her puzzle pieces with mine. We just can’t fit, she can’t piece me together, she can’t make me whole. 

_If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back_

As horrible as it is, I know if given the choice I would give it all up. Scorpia, Hordak, the Horde, Double Trouble, everything. I would give it all away if I knew I could get Adora back… 

_For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two_

What’s the point of sleeping when I know I’ll only dream of being with Adora again? What’s the point when I know I’ll think I could finally be happy again, only to wake up lonelier than ever? That I know I’ll wake up to an empty bed and an empty heart? That I’ll just be reminded that my life is written out for me, I can’t change it?

_For the girl that I knew_

_Who'll be reckless, just enough_

_Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up_

I used to be able to hold myself together. And now I’m just waiting waiting waiting to hit the breaking point. I used to have an unbreakable mask of confidence, nothing could hurt me. At least, no one thought I was hurt. 

_When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love_

I was stupid and naive to think Hordak could ever see me as his partner, as his co ruler. He never needed me, he never even wanted me. I could never be Entrapta, or even Double Trouble. 

_And then she'll get stuck_

_And be scared of the life that's inside her_

I’ve always been trapped. Freedom is an illusion, just false hope. I’ve always been stuck, and I always will be. There was never and out, never for me. Of course there was for Adora, she’s just blessed like that. But not for me, never for me. 

_Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her_

_To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes_

_That's been gone, but used to be mine_

_Used to be mine_

It’s stupid really, to think one day when I look in the mirror I’ll see more than a broken child waiting to be saved. 

_She is messy, but she's kind_

_She is lonely most of the time_

_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_

_She is gone, but she used to be mine_

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first She Ra fic and I’ve wanted to write for She Ra for awhile, and I wanted to practice song fics so I figured two birds with one stone. I didn’t proof read, sorry.  
> Thank you for reading :)


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